Fate&Destiny.

It doesn't matter. I've finally figured it out, bff. So after I got off the phone with you when we were talking about our love lives and Serendipity, I just sat down and thought. The only solution to your problem is get rid of both. If you have to choose between two guys, don't choose either of them. Because either one you choose to be with, you're going to hurt someone and hurt yourself at the same time. I know you love him, but just right now, you deserve to not be under stress. I keep telling you that unlike me you just need a guy who'll make things feel easy and wonderful. You're a lover, not a fight though which makes it harder (I bet people think you're a fighter ahha). Thinking back I remember all those things with Von. If he had come up to me anytime before Deveon and maybe a couple times during Deveon and had come out and had said "I love you, but you're happy without me" I would've most likely jumped into his arms. But that didn't happen, and for a reason. If you think fate is telling you that you belong with Kuya and not D, then don't follow it. What would be more trouble? Leaving D and coming back to J, or completely getting over J and staying with D? The answer is neither, the easier would be just getting out. You need alone time, or maybe a couple fun dates with D. I told you I don't care whom you choose to be with or what you do, just pick the choice that will cause less hurt. I thought I wasn't going to get over Von. Everyone thought I'd never get over him, and I probably still haven't but I just consider that I"m over him because I don't dream of lying in bed next to him, watching Korean dramas in his living room, our asian kids running around with glasses and booming laughs, but most of all I stopped dreaming of what it'd be like if he loved me the way I loved him. Bff, you'll get through this. You are one of the strongest ppl I know just like N, A, and J. Like I said, if this boy if your only weakness, find a way to defeat it. I love you so much, I just absolutely hate seeing you get hurt. Back to my life haha. Had Holy Supper and it was wonderful. I swear, being Iglesia is amazing, I love my church. It's the only place where I feel like my main purpose is. I mean I try to fit in everywhere else, but when I'm at church that's where it's at mahn. I finally feel like things with Alison are seeming a lot brighter. During mediatation period in the third Worship Service, I fantasized what it'd be like to call her and just talk. I started crying super hard and couldn't stop. Then I wandered off into NeverLand wondering what it'd be like if I didn't have my parents with me and I cried harder. I predicted life without Deveon, and I sobbed. I've finally found my fault and sin; I am too attached to the people and wonder of this evil and wicked world. I can still have my goals in saving the world and etc, but I've gotta put my duty and membership of my church above all. Life is bliss, but the Holy City is eternal life.

I just can't get it all out.

There is so much on my mind and my plate right now. I know I'm busy when I forget places I'm suppose to be and people I'm suppose to go to or call. It's just too much. I'm on the brink of my madness, but I can't let it get to me no matter how much I want to scream, cry, or blow up. It's Holy Supper week, it might be a test of faith. Gotta breathe.

#[

Homework Due Tmrw.

TOK-

• Composition Journal; writing from a Bushman's perspective. Three entries. DONE.
• Journal Entry; What is the difference between "perception" and "perspective"? How do they interact in "knowing"? Is one more important than the other? DONE.

Japanese-

• Self-introduction. DONE.

Psychology-

• Work on IA. DONE.
• Read Mod. 56. DONE.

History-

• 1920s Assignment DONE
• Agent Orange HI Outline

Physics-

• Labs (3)

English-

• Study for English Quiz.
• Read past Ch.4-6.

Math-

• pg. 418 3-29 odds DONE.
• pg.428 1-9 odds, 11, 13a, 23, 25, 27

Imaginary Words W/Meaning.

I think about you everyday.
Sometimes I don't think, I could just get away... from you.
I think about you, and how much I love you.
I'm not lying when, I'm not lying when I say I think about youuuu everyday.

Curtains.

For Randy.

Realization.

Mahn, this week just keeps getting better and better. Deveon says that if I can't talk to anyone, I've got to put it somewhere like blogger or my diary; so I'm just doing both. Today I had presented my Psych IA to Mrs. McClung and did my Group 4 Physics IA Project also. Mahn, I never knew all these things existed within IB, it's pretty overloading but so amazing. After all the long and eye-wrenching assignments, projects, and I guess IB Requirements I actually prefer it to over any other kind of education I've experienced. I mean just looking back on my education, I've really been lucky and able to take advantage of my resources. I've been enrolled in the gifted program, always been top of my class in elementary, honors program in Middle School, won 5th in the state for my NHD Project (MiddleSchool), Tech-Academy where I joined a family and honed new skills, and now in IB. Sometimes I can't believe where I'm at. Learning is so.... amazing. I'm doing IB for two reason, outta state and the contents of the IB curriculum.

My Plan:

1. Graduate with the IB Diploma.
2. Get accepted to JHU or any other university that meet my math and science standards.
3. Major in...
   Anatomy
   Bioinformatics and genomics
   Biomaterials
   Biomechanics
   Biophysical chemistry
   Computer programming for engineers
   Mathematics
   Micromachines and robotics
   Molecular and cell biology
   Organic chemistry
4. Complete my six years and find an apprenticeship where I can start my research and/or work.
5. As an adult organist I will try to take oath as a Buklod Officer to stay in the loop and keep my husband or family active.
6. After finding a stable job, each month my savings account will save an amount of 1-2 grand. This account will be set up for my future goals for my kids' tuition and my charity funds.
7. At 40 years old I will join an organization and start what I've been hoping to do all my life; save the world.

So I'm crazy right? It's just a rough draft anyways, just thinking about all of this makes my blood pump and my face warm. You have no idea how much I want to do good. Even if I have almost no self-confidence in my system, going after my dreams boosts it up. Maybe someday I'll be able to wake up and finally feel like the Maria Nikki Molina I used to be only 3-5 years ago.

Time to watch Bleach with Deveon! WHOO. I'm finally getting ahead mayuhnnnn. Hahahahhaa.

W/Love,
M.N.M.

Procrastinating Just Alittle.

First like hour of this week sucked, but ever since then things have been doing really great. Yesterday when I was performing for CWS I had a huge wave of I don't even know what, and I wept, and I laughed, and I smiled. Dang, performing as an organist is so self-fulfilling. I know singing is also great too even if I don't have that much of a great voice, but organist has been like a dream for me since I was 7 and Kuya Tim taught me my first lesson. I've overcome so many obstacles that are going to finally bring me to my ultimate goal success; ADULT ORGANIST!!! I'm so excited, that it's hard to be humble and have a contrite heart, but ateeh Magic and Ka Gerard keep telling me to just continue praying and being humbleeeeeeee.

Yesterday after church I went to Esther's to do homework, and bake goods for today's Math Club PI Day Celebration. David, Jasmeet, and Joanna went. Unfortunately freaking Randy couldn't go, but he had good reasons. GRR RANDY! Hahaahaha. Anyways, it was too fun and just mahn they crack me up. If studying people isn't a hobby, then I'll call it a satisfaction. Freaking Esther, Joanna, and Marianne are such different people with just as much differences between Dev and I. If you throw Watson in that batch, it's even crazier. Today was the celebration and I was MC for the games and food, mahn I love speaking. We sung to YMCA (I lead the singing, hahaha bad singing dawg), played Heads Up Seven Up, Musical Chairs, Telephone, and Duck-Duck-Goose. Superrrrr tired afterwards. We also had a special gathering where I got to sit next to Als, whoo! Then we were told the Ten Commandments of the Church Administration and it was extremely uplifting.

New Personal Goal:
Bear four fruits(bible students) in total by 2014. I have two already, Jayson is going to try it after Judo Season and then we'll see how life goes from there.

Tomorrow is my small presentation for my Psychology Internal Assessment and I'm just starting now. Even if it's an outline I still am alittle nervous. I'm working on my self-esteem issues. Randy gave me a song called Keep Ya Head Up by Tupac that really actually raps what I just need to do with myself in life. I just need to chill and pay attention to the details and look at the big picture of life. I'm very psyched for my JHU and UPenn trip in April, and my Stanford/SeePaulOnHisGradDay trip in May. Sighs, I can do it.

"We grow great by dreams. All big men are dreamers. They see things in the soft haze of a spring day or in the red fire of a long winter's evening. Some of us let these great dreams die, but others nourish and protect them; nurse them through bad days till they bring them to the sunshine and light which comes always to those who sincerely hope that their dreams will come true."~ Woodrow Wilson

Praying for the best,
M.N.M.

Over the Top.

I realized the problem with me; self-confidence. I never knew that not believing in yourself can cause me to lose myself. It's gotta start somewhere. I can say all the words it takes to lift myself up, but it always depends on the actions.

Actions speak louder than words.

Chapter 23458762829450204 of my life.

I've always wondered what if two people could be destined for each other. I mean, I can't really say anything because I'm not even close to the age of wise and counsel. Even if I've had my share fo guys and experience, it doesn't compare to decades of loving someone or losing someone. Sometimes I wonder why my generation take relationships so seriously or so carelessly. When I mean my generation, I mean 10-20 year olds. I feel like a hypocrite cause I'm technically in a relationship, and am so happy and giddy all the time that I just want to fly to Paris just to eat chocolate pancakes or boulangeries-patisseries.

Why do people fall in love? I mean, is it because of the whole "need to reproduce" thing or what? And you know what's even worse? Freaking love is amazing. It is just freaking awesome, even if my experience involved pain, it still was a beautiful thing to me. Sighs, just when I look back at how I was when I loved ____, it makes me want to cover the hole in my heart, but oddly enough that whole is patched up with a remedy called Deveon, haha. Someone asked me what is love and sometimes I don't think I should ever answer. Because I've only experienced it where it was one-sided as in I was the only one who felt anything and the other side felt, well nothing.

I hope two-sided love is just as wonderful as I believe it to be.

Goodness gracious.
Goodness gracious.
Goodness gracious.
Goodness gracious.
Goodness gracious.
Goodness gracious.

Time to PMS,
M.N.M.

:D

I like oranges.

So I've been really stressed lately because I can't find a summer program to go to! I'm so scared and I'm not sure where I'm going to this summer. I need to have real hands-on experience with something that could spike my interests, but I just can't find the perfect one for me. GAHZ. The more and more I think about my future, the more uneasy I get but I just have to stay strong that I'll follow my destiny.

Five Facts That I Figured Out Today About Myself:

1. I like oranges.


2. Randy's becoming a very good guy friend.


3. I'm really not a girly girl.


4. I have no music preference, it all depends on my mood.


5. I want to see the world.

Time to continue my learning in Physics,
M.N.M.

He's just too wonderful for words.

Today in Psychology.

We learned about stereotypes and how we stereotype people everyday. It's almost human nature. Sometimes I just wonder though, why? How did we bring upon ourselves to stereotype? Has it been existent for as long as man has lived or is it just several hundred years old?

It's hard to finalize if I stereotype because when I first meet people, they're a blank canvas. And as I get to know them, their impressions paint colors into their canvas and soon they give me a painting in which I soon get to know by every shadow, light, or dark color. I absolutely love meeting new people, it's like my brain builds more rooms to store more paintings. The world is filled with a lot of people, dude, like A LOT. It's crazy when I try and think about how many people I do know compared to the population of the entire world. I have like 15 different social circles and yet I barely know 1/100000000000000000000th of United States, or maybe I know a little under that haha.

Reminisce: I remember when I was in first grade and it was one of our get-to-know each other projects and I put my #1 goal is to meet everyone on the world. As I accelerated in intellect (haha big words) I realized that I didn't want to meet the murderers(unless they're willing to change), the rapists(unless they promise not to harm me or anyone I know), or yanno just those people classified as "bad". It's a lot of work knowing people, too. I mean, remembering faces should be like an ability, mahn. It's crazy how every face is different yet people have trouble matching names and faces when family members are easier to remember.

Well, I've got to do math homework that I ran in the rain for (inside joke) and study for a japanese test(that I have no idea is on).

W/Love,
MNM.

People.

It's choice whether to give up on someone or not. It's a choice whether to leave someone or stay. People confuse the definition between responsibility and blame always, and never ever try to look it up in the dictionary.

Good night,
Seattle.