I actually feel this way.

IB is starting to finally get difficult and it's scaring me just alittle.

My hardest classes:
IB Japanese
IB Psych
IB Physics

My favorite Classes:
IB Psych
IB Physics
IB Calculus

Grades:
You don't want to know. Gahz. I need to pick it up. I have 1 week and 3 more days until the quarter ends. :O And I'm just so scared that I won't at least bring up my B's up to an A- because when they average out for Semeseter they've got to be A's. GRAWRZ! I only have 3 A's right now so let's do this, Nikki!

I'm really trying to build a relationship with my brother he deserves it and I feel really bad for him. I love my brother so much. Goodness. Hope all goes well!:]

True Calling.

I hate when I feel like not doing my homework. Like right now I know I have tons to do but I just don't feel like doing it. I feel like failing it and being like those non-achievers. What is my calling? Why do I think the way I think? Why am I who I am? I'm so hyper as of now and I don't know why. I hate having unanswered questions.

Basically I had a really good church today, saw ateehJulzen again, and then went home and took a nap. Then Watson came over and we did homework from 3-7:30. After he left I just chilled up until now procrastinating because I refuse to do any of my homework. I don't know if it's because I started my period about and hour and a half ago. The first 24 hours of my period I feel very... Crazy.

My head is spinning and my blood is pumping. I feel like hurdling 300m, but unfortunately it is already evening and I don't think I can do that. I think I'm actually not going to do any of my homework tomorrow, and act totally WEIRD tomorrow also. It's my choice for procrastinating and not doing my work and that's perfectly fine with me anyways.:D

I miss AB.:[

Homework for the Weekend.

My family are the most wonderful people. My Mum had an emotional breakdown so I've been staying with her the whole time since she's gotten home comforting her. Now the family's watching a movie in the living room and tears come to my eyes on how lucky I am to have them with me. Sighs.

• Japanese Translation Pg 1 and 2
• Kanji-Hiragana Overview
• Read Module 6 of Psych Book
• Douglass Questions&Packet
• Takehome Physics Exam
• Problems for Physics Chapter 3-5
• RRJs for English (3)
• Calculus HW

That's how we go!

No one understands me in my passion for learning. I love school. Not because I get to see my friends, or do extra curricular activities, but the learning just makes my day a whole lot brighter. I love being taught new things every day and being able to put to use the knowlege I've learned. It may make me nerdy, but I'm proud. I don't even know why I'm doing IB, I could care less about the freaking college credit or whatever. Ever since I was a kid, my parents have always raised me to care about my grades and do work. I learned from children's movies that you need to do things because you want to. I couldn't quit school, so I turned to learning as something reliable I could do. There are five things in life I can rely on that will always help me in whatever situation I find myself in or etc: my family, food, praying, God, and intelligence.

Dream Guy: Smarter than me.

Going to get to work. Let's go, Stanford!

Heroes of the Day: Julzen B, Jordan A, and Allan B.
Remembering: Mara A, Lauren C, Natrice L.
Miss: Emmalyn L, Alison B, Jaimee M, Anre N, Marque L.

What is love?

The very question that haunts my existence. I am a teenage girl who's survived through too much. What I remember most about growing up that has led to this very moment is that faith all you need in any circumstance. I've always wanted so much, and has strived for those things, but the one thing that I've wanted that I strived for was love; and incoincidentally it is the one thing I haven't had.

Tears fall from my face when I think about how I was in love with Von. I was stupid, and weak at the heart. I groveled for three years, and I can't take it back. I was immature to believe that someone like me could even fall in love, and the fact that I thought I'd be lonely forever and that there'd be no one ever to make me happy trapped me into the pit of despair. I did love Von, but to this very day I still don't even know who he is. And I want to cry because what exactly is love? In my very heart I believe it to be of the most sincerest emotion, with such evanescence of the mind, and peace of the soul. Isn't love tweeting of brids in the spring air, or the caring wisp of a river? I don't even know and that makes me scared. I'm not meant for love, but that makes me hypocritical because I have faith that everyone has the ability to love. The reason I can still settle with other guys, or find another heart is because I'm still searching for him. I'm scared I'll just pass him, or walk right past him and I won't even see him.

Love has made me bitter.
Love has made me forget what it's like to believe in a man.
Love has helped me get through the tougest breaks.
Love has made me believe you can fly.

But there's a catch to love; happiness. You can love someone and not be happy. Or you could be happy and not love them. Is there any way God can bless us with both? I pray to God almost every night that I will blessed with a happy love.

You know what makes me sad? How people in the pursuit of love, allow themselves to get hurt. I never knew my Mum felt the way she felt.. I thought she was happy. But I was wrong. Why do people hurt each other? Why they make others cry or make them mad? That's not love. That's horror. The people of God deserve so much yet we abuse the abilities that He bestows onto us. I will stop crying right now. I will keep my eyes forward, ears open, and heart ready. I will pray tonight.

W/Love,
MNM.