Popularity Contest.

Today, I lost the Freshmen Election of 08-09. __ _______ won. I don't know why, but this is a huge reveletion hit to me. Everyone knew that if he won, it would be out of popularity contest. I feel though, that maybe he would be a wonderful president. At the same time, I know that no one biased him on his speech or his posters. Well may be his posters. I feel that I could do way better next time. I can not believe it. I am still very shocked. This election meant so much to me. It was the first time that I was right about losing and failing. I'm not going to lie, I'm not a huge fan of rejection because it doesn't really happen to me. Actually it does happen, but I always know why and how come.

I don't think I deserved the lost, but I do know some ways I could have done to get higher votes.

1. Post up more posters visible to all students' eyes.
2. Made buttons with my name and picture to give out to people.
3. Attend more school activities and spread my name.
4. In my speech, add more comments of what ideas I would use, but not be sure that it would be used.

I don't know how I feel right now. It is a mixture of annoyance, anger, and disappointed. I am annoyed at the fact that I KNOW that 2/3 of the Freshman Population voted by popularity. Most likely those of the KM building, but that's where anger comes in. Why would they base their votes on who's more popular or who they know? I thought people my grade were smarter than that. SIGHS. Maybe they didn't vote just because of popularity, maybe they actually think that RJ will do a better job. That's where my disappointment comes from.

I don't know how it would be for me to be a President of a student body. I've had many experiences in ASB though. In 4th, 5th, and 6th grade I was a representative of my elementary. I was the secretary in 6th grade of the whole school. 7th grade I was a representative. 8th grade I boosted myself up by being 8th grade Senator. 9th grade, I took the decision to run for Freshmen President.

I'm not sad, just those three feelings. Hopefully I'll do a better job next time. There's always next time.

"Never regret taking a risk if you didn't learn something." M.N.M.

Inspiration.

Who knew that searching up colleges, IB programs, and information on PSAT and SAT prep would lead me to finding my inspiration? Her name is Yling Tran. She is currently a junior in the University Of Southern Thornton School Of Music in Los Angeles, California. He is exactly what I who I want to be; a professional pianist/teacher, an IB diplomat, and recognized in all over for my hard work.
When I first found her web page, the first thing that caught my eye was the list of movements and classical pieces listed that of which she has played in programs, performances, and recitals. That really got me interested for I am also a pianist myself and love music. I love all kinds of music. It’s usually the one thing that could keep my still and flow at my mind. I feel as if I can carry myself into the clouds and feel weightless. Yling has been playing for probably her whole life. Even if I do not know when she started, I do know that in 8th grade, she was a soloist in a masters class, WSMTA Adjustifications, and in Donna Sams’ Piano Studio Showcase recitals. She also won the seal of Special Recognition for thorough preparation and excellence at the Seattle Young Artists Music Festival Complete program, and second place in the 8th grade division of the Washington Eastside Chapter Scholarship Program. She is also a teacher of five students. She is limited of 5 because of her IB diploma requirements and the other time she has for extracurricular activities. I am also a teacher of 5 students currently, but I’ve only been teaching for not even a year. She inspires me so much that I could be a professional pianist and an ambitious teacher. A dream of mine is to play in the Paramount Theatre of Seattle for a play being a piano soloist. I know that one day, I will do that.

Appreciation and Gratefulness.

I read one of my closest friend's blog for like the fourth time. Rereading it makes me want to write down the secret of my heart that I could never put down on paper, except my personal journal.x]

There was this one guy. He was like an older brother. I liked him the second I saw him, but I thought it was just a day crush. But that crush was in my heart for a long time. Just a "Moviestar Crush". You know how people fall in love and think they'll marry those rockstars, or actors and actresses? But they know in their heart that it's impossible? That's what he was to me. An impossible crush. For the couple months I knew him back then, that's what he was to me. We soon became the fine line between best guy friend and older brother, so he was likeable. I can't believe I'm saying this, it feels so cliche girl, but I don't feel pathetic right now. Usually I feel like an idiot for half the things I say and do. That guy helped me in my time of need and showed me the true values of the decisions people make these days. He told me about his life, and I told mine. It was weird though because the fact I thought he was "impossible" was because the age. Yes, the age. Sounds extremely weird. Four years apart.

My feelings for him will never ever go away. I know that now. It's a big of a concept for me and probabl for him, but I'm going to try ad handle it as best as I can. I kept running away from him before because I was scared. Scared to like him so much and get hurt... that I freaked and just kept running. I cried, hurt, and hid. I was scared to fall and mess up some part of my life. Which eventually did happen. But it was because I let it happen.

Now I can't rewind what I did, can't go back in time, or go back to that perfect time and place. I'm always too late, a habit I have to outlive. Haha. Even though, I hope that I can say to myself someday and know it's true that we were never meant.

"How do you know when you're in love? You don't. It just happens. Love isn't a know-it-all thing or according-to-plan. Defined or undefined, you just know." -Anonymous.

After all the stupid relationships I've put myself into, it's nice to have actually found love... Love is a strange thing. No one ever really knows if it exists or if it's real. One of the most important things this guy has taught me is the feeling and meaning of love. I know that no matter what age we are at, love seems pointless. Although I believe in one love, in every person's life there's always that one person that shows you that it's not all fantasy. That it's the one thing that lifts you up to where you belong and can soar the wide vast sky.

So Much To Do, Less Space To Think.

This year was planned out perfectly. Focus on grades, no boys, and less on the being known factor. Things NEVER go the way you usually plan. Now here I am in a whole different position; boyfriend, stressing, and running for freshmen president. I never knew how to stress until now. My resistance to friends and boys was hard to balance out. The priorities of my life are all being thrown at me simultaneously. I mean seriously, I really wish I could watch how "Nikki Molina" lived my life.

In church I thought about how I'm not suppose to be with him for reasons that I can not perceive. He's made a huge impact on my life on the short time I've known and been with him. He makes me happy, but I'm not suppose to be wtih him at all for church purposes. He's amazing and I don't deserve him. I see so many things wrong with me and he sees so many right things that I don't like to point out. Is it that I'm being too modest? Or that I just don't want to be noticed? He wants to be there for me at all times and be the one I go to to talk about my problems. I'm not used to talking about that to any of my boyfriends because I never wanted to get attached or distracted or have the guy worry for me. The guy never had a complaint about it either because he didn't know what was going on. All my boyfriends have been losers and jerks. I never got time to actually take the time of seriousness. Except with one guy, but I can't speak of him because it hurts too much.

He's done so much and it means all a lot to me. I wish that I didn't have no cares or no worries. I don't even know what I'm staying. My heart's been a burden for the last 24 hours. I stayed up until 3:00 a.m. finishing up the IRP Project. Maybe I'm being confused because I'm so tired. My mind keeps spinning and my heart is pulled in so many directions towards all those who I care and love for. I feel like I'm at the bottom of the world. As if I'm trying so hard to lift up high the world's height above my shoulders.

I need to do something to clean up my life a bit.