About Me.

Here it is. I'm way too confusing for my own good and right now a random person's blog that I found online gave me the idea to write about myself. I hope I make sense. Here I go. I'm still learning how to figure out what battles are actually worth fighting for. I enjoy laughing and smiling more than breathing and without music or knowledge no one would be able to see what makes me, me. Although mostly I love listening, I've been told that I seem to always say the right thing oracley. More than anything else, I feel the need to comfort people no matter the feelings I harbor toward them. I'm "too nice" because I don't see the point in being mean... I'll leave that for those who are liars, fake, and just plain mean. I'm finally in a healthy relationship and I am very much happy. I can't really say I'm content with my life, but it's all good because at times when I am, I really am! I don't like people to judge too quickly, or are blind with anger because I believe that in order to understand something you must know both sides. I love eating all foods especially corn, vegetables, fruits, and chocolate. Although I have a distaste towards liver, and anything with blood. I like feeling like I'm working to accomplish one of my goal and if/when I get there, I get super excited and love rewarding ymself. I'd like to enjoy growing up, but I'm not rushing into anything. I'm working everyday to attain my future and be what i wnat to be. I'm still afraid of rules and self-conscious here and there, but step bys tep I've become more and more happy with how my life is going.

Attaining Amazingness.

Finals next week. What to do? What to do? Gotta study, gotta study. That's all I have to do.
Chemistry+English=Tuesday.
Japanese+PresentHistory=Thursday.
Math+PresentVidProd=Friday.
Goodness gracious, goodness gracious, goodness gracious, here I am.
Implore me that I'll do good and my goals will be fulfilled.
I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.
Just gotta remain hopeful, just gotta remain focal (focused=).

Balance out, breathe in and out, lean forward and back, take a deep breath.
WOOT WOOT!
Finals next week. What to do? What to do? Gotta study, gotta study. That's all I have to do.


p.s. You better leave me alone. If you dare distract me any time next week, I will scream at you no matter how much respect I am suppose to give you. I am not going to be in the mood to tend to your needs or make sure you're okay because yous out of most people probably want me to ace these exams. I'm going to pray every night, sleep early, and get some good meals. Love you and will see you in a few,

M.N.M.

Yo, yo, yo, yippee yay, yippee yo.

Today's a good day.
Better than some days I've had.
But could maybe better.
My friend, my friend, give me a call.

Let's grieve together.

Dear Nanay,

I'm going to miss you a lot. It was really awesome having you here. Ever since she got her new job and works two full-time jobs, I forgot what it was like to come home to a house smelling like muffins and cookies. Haha. Even though you were here for only eight days, it felt like two weeks of peace and tranquility. You came, and we all had to behave. I'm glad that you came, po. We were almost falling apart and drifted away completely. You've made my Mum happy, and help my brother in ways we all couldn't. Right now, it's like all the tension has disappeared, but I know it's still there buried deep deep under the crawl space of our house. I love you Nay, I hope your flight is safe. I love you, po! Today was a better day.

I'm proud to be your first grandchild. :D

With Much Love,
Nikki.

What She Says. What He Says.

She's always been there for me, whether I had so much food on my plate or not.
Savior for Today: Mara A.

She's right! Sighs. I just need to step out of my life for just a moment and vent so I can take out all the cement blocks and bricks that are in my path. I've been telling her to just go with the flow when I'm not even following my own advice haha. I've got to make things right with myself right now. I have to stop worrying about everyone around me, he even says.

I've achieved what I never thought was possible with you. Thank you, for everything.
The Other Half of Me: Deveon I.

He's right, too! Gahz. I overthink everything and weigh out every possibility possible (good or bad) to figure out what effects what and what I can do to prevent the worst. When I do this, I'm jus screwing myself up. My health and mental state may go below normal if I don't shape up. I always tell him not to worry at all, but of course, he's going to worry no matter what I say (= a dork). I have to just take everything step by step because I'm somehow losing myself little by little and I can't let them happen.

Kudos to SBL and PM.

I'm about to finish my Storyboard and then sleep. Tomorrow will be a new day! I'm sure of it!
Things I'm Looking Forward To:
-End of Finals.
-Beg. of Semester 2.
-KMTA MC Night.
-Track Season.
-Cherry Blossom Festival.
-DCON.
-End of School.

P.S. Haha! I copied your colors!

Take the Steering Wheel.

Why is it gone? Why can't I maintain that determination I once had? It's like I see the world in a way more different view. I'm pessimistic and think constantly low of myself. That drive to be good at things and succeed has disappeared. I can actually say that school is hard.

Why can I type on blogger and be at peace, but staring at this stupid graphic organizer I'm so confused. Why do I have a mind that's freaking retarded? God d*****. Whatever.

It's fine.
Is fine even an emotion?

My Hero.

You were/are my best friend. Not just my best friend, the bestest friend I've ever had. You know I'm talking about you! Today, I broke down watching Bride Wars. It was so cute and sweet with the two best friends obssessed with getting married, haha. The whole movie I was thinking of us. I didn't cry during the movie because the significance of getting married, I was crying because I missed you. Then I couldn't help myself but crawl in a ball on my floor... I'm sorry...



By the time you read this, you'll probably never... Today it hit me how much I meant to you. I was like your inspiration, your advisor haha. Your hero.



Now it's my turn to tell you.



You're my hero.



With Love,
MNM.

Not Understandable

Maybe the reason why it's felt different between us is because you've stopped listening.
All because you're mad at me for doing something you don't like that's my decision, you have to get your bra stuck in your shirt and be fussy. You tell me, "You need to be a sister, and learn how to be responsible." Obviously, I know that sort of, but see I have all these misconceptions on that sentence you say. Why don't you ask me why it's hard to be that way towards him? All my life you've heard me cry and throw tantrums about how you guys spoil him and I respond to him in a mean way... And responsibility? Why don't you ask me if I even know how to be responsible?

Adult: Why are you the way you are towards him?
Me: Because he's not only my brother, he's Mikey. I keep doing the same ways trying to change him, and I know I should stop... Maybe I should stop now. I'm sorry, I should be the one to change my ways.

Adult: Do you know what responsibility is?
Me: I kind of have a vague definition of it but it's taking consideration for your actions and always being helpful around the house, doing homework without being told, being home without being called, checking up without worrying the parents, the simple things like that. But what's your definition, Mum?

How hard is that? When I say you should listen I don't mean like hear my ramble about and be "lenient" (as you would say), but just ask questions why, and the how comes, and the do you even knows because I can't do these things by myself.

We're a team, ***, not just a team, but a family.

p.s. All you have to do is ask and talk to me. You don't have to yell or ignore me, but I'm willing to listen to.

Potroast.

-Moist cuts of meat.
-Add vegetables right at the beginning.
-Brown the meat first on all sides which improve the flavor and appearance of the meat. High heat used during browning carmelizes the sugars and proteins in the meat, giving a rich flavor.
-Just wait and voila!
-For cooking liquid, you can use anything from coca-cola to beef broth or tomato juice.
-An hour and the meat is done.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010!!!!!8]

1. Get a 6-pack of abs.
2. Get my permit.
3. Keep clean.
4. Go to a dance with Deveon.
5. Visit several or more colleges.
6. Stay in contact with Fab6 weekly.
7. Stop beign a pushover.
8. 3.9 student!!!
9. Learn how to breakdance.
10. Befriend a hobo.

Lauren made me make resolutions, haha. GAHZ! I LOVE LAURIIIEEEEE!

Who I Am.

Who am I? I am who I am. 2009 was a blast and there wasn't anything that I regret. I feel like 2009 is where I took a huge step out of my comfort zone to look at the other side. The side I was stuck on was cautiousness, high standards, and self-improvement. The side I wanted to take a glance at or take my place in was the place of availability, the momentary lapse of a smile, and beliefs. When I looked to the other side I found that I liked that side better haha. This 2010 I want to really be put to the test on what I could really do. Now I know what I want, and that’s to remember a couple of things. Be who I am. I like to let go to the wind. I like to make a funny remark or two about things I see. I like to just run with the air resisting against my body.

My parents think I’ve grown up in a way. They’re starting to tell me they have a hard time when they think of letting me go. Psshhhaaaa, I have long ways to go until I’ve fully grown up. But my parents have given me the greatest blessing which is making my own decisions because they trust me. This year I’m going to stop being so generous to those who don’t deserve it, and am going to appreciate those who appreciate me. Not only me, but the things I do, and see the hard effort I put into things. I’m not going to listen anymore of what people tell me to do. I’m going to be the person I see when I look into the mirror.

I know that I usually put some kind of weird blog that doesn’t really make sense, but this post I wanted to be straight up. Words that come from my mind in general haha.

I’m happy that I have my family to eat dinner with in the late evenings.
I’m happy that I have my friends to eat our hearts out chatting about our days and our lives.
I’m happy that I have my boyfriend here to cherish life day by day, step by step.
I’m happy that I have God in my soul, never forgetting me. Happy 2010, everyone!