You like her, You don't like her.

It's like picking flower petals off a flower. Can you believe we used to do that as kids? I remember I used to determine whether I actually liked the guy from doing that. Today it's more of a feelings crap and all, jkjk! Haha.

She really pisses me off. You know, I love her and all, but sometimes she can really get on my nerves. She's blood and way more mature than me, but that doesn't give her the right to own my life. Well, she is my Mother. But I mean like, do parents make your decisions or help YOU make good decisions? Or do they run your life, or help you live a good life?

Mum knows best, right? I think. I LOVE HER. I SERIOUSLY DO. But just, goodness, when she stops me from doing things I want to do, it makes me really frustrated. I'm not trying to sound like a brat like I want it my way, this way, that way, or being some little stubborn daughter, just the things that I want to do is for the best of someone else. I don't ask of anything really unless it's totally irrevelant towards me but still puts me in control.
i.e. I asked her if I could go on trips to other universities or colleges with the Filipino Board in the state to check out the other Filipino communities, associations, and clubs. She totally freaked. I think it's 'cause I used Gonzaga University as an example. Right now, she's against me being friends with anyone in Spokane, wthail? Anyways, back on topic. She went BALLISTIC! She started saying "What's the point of that? There's no direct facts that show you need to be there? There's email, phone, text, some other kind of communications, you don't have to fly there. Nikki, I don't want you making anymore mistakes like you made in Freshmen year. The prize is straight A's, Filipino Club is just some extracurricular activity, and blahblahblahblahblahblah."

Honestly, Filipino Club is the first time I've been able to make a difference and do what I want to do for a change. The kids of this club are very important to me. I can't handle people messing up my vision that I want to put to action. I have probably only wanted one thing; to make a difference. I want to be remembered as a girl who made change, and good change for that fact. But honestly, I can't do that because there are too many obstacles in the way. I have way too many other priorities. Mum asked me what my goals are because I'm suppose to follow them. I replied with a simple answer of "getting into a good school", and she asked me to repeat myself. All I want to do is be accepted to a school who wants me because of who I am and what I've done. Not because of the grades, or my background, or ethnicity, or scores, but because of the achievements, success, blood, sweat, and most definitely stress I've been through in order to do what I've done in my life.
It is true that this is a lot to think of at the point of being a sophomore and 15 years old, but you know what? Go ahead and underestimate me because in the end I will show you and you will see. Sighs. I'm getting out of hand. I hate the cycle of the month. My mind's been restless with thought, plans, and blahz.

To You: I miss you, lovee. Stop looking and being shy, be a man and take your word that we would not be awkward towards each other. Gnite, and know that I love you.

Always to You, po: Thank you for raising me, for blessing me, for giving me this life, for showing me the path, and sculpting me into who I am.