i misss you, and i love youuu <3
youre my sunshine of my lifeee
and i see you in dreams all the time
can you hear me calling your name
because everyday i think about...
the way we used to be
i sit here in front of my friends computer screen
remembering that one day we all sat and blogged
:/
i love youuu my dearest friend MNM.
and i miss you my dearest long lost twin... AGBB
and more than anything else, i miss TU3.
can i grab your boobs, cus your turning me on (;
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Do You Remember.
I love this song! I remember when the church Binhis and Kadiwas performed this song together for a music video in church. Dude, we have so many church events, it's crazy but we're blessed! Haha.
Homework to Do:
Homework to Do:
- Whole HI
- World Lit Paper 1
- Psych Play
- World Lit Paper 2
- Psych Essay
- Study for Japanese
I'm turning 17 in three days, six hours, and eighteen minutes!
To My Imaginary:
I imagine you.
Maybe you're tall, short, stubby, hairy, muscular.
At the moment we meet, I hope I know it's you.
Girls usually have no faith in fairy tales coming true.
I believe they can come true, whether it happens to me or not.
Not another word.
As I do my homework, sleep, eat, study.
Reality strikes me as uninteresting compared to my dream.
You're that dream.
Nikki.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
This is me...
Letting go.If I dwell on the past and blame myself for everything, a darkness will grow inside me and I'll never be able to look to the future and live in the present. I don't have any regrets. There's a reason why everything has happened, and now it's led me to this moment. Goodbye past, hello future.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Today I realized how lucky I am.
It's not that I don't have it all, but I have enough.
Family.
Friends.
God.
IB Program.
I'm not ugly.
Calves.
Freedom.
Disciplined.
Kind-hearted.
Honest to an extent.
Blessed.
Surrounded by love and open arms.
I'm a really lucky person. I'm going to make my dreams come true. I got this. I've found joy in my life. I've brought joy to others. I've listened to the hearts of many people. I've given hope to those who had none. I've done my best to make memories. I've strived to ensure good health even after all those who have mistreated me and forgotten who I was. I've kept head up even when my knees would give out. I still watch television even if I have an HI deadline on Monday. I still have faith in love even if my heart's been trampled twice. Even if I'm not the smartest kid, I know that I can still make a contribution to the world. I'm going to live my life and do my best, and when I die I won't regret anything.
W/Love,
Nikki.
Family.
Friends.
God.
IB Program.
I'm not ugly.
Calves.
Freedom.
Disciplined.
Kind-hearted.
Honest to an extent.
Blessed.
Surrounded by love and open arms.
I'm a really lucky person. I'm going to make my dreams come true. I got this. I've found joy in my life. I've brought joy to others. I've listened to the hearts of many people. I've given hope to those who had none. I've done my best to make memories. I've strived to ensure good health even after all those who have mistreated me and forgotten who I was. I've kept head up even when my knees would give out. I still watch television even if I have an HI deadline on Monday. I still have faith in love even if my heart's been trampled twice. Even if I'm not the smartest kid, I know that I can still make a contribution to the world. I'm going to live my life and do my best, and when I die I won't regret anything.
W/Love,
Nikki.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Freaking piss off.
I mean, really? Why would someone say that? Or do something like that? It just pisses me off that you think you know someone, and you find out that you really don't. How could he say that about me? Why would he say that about me? Out of all the days to find out, I had to find out today. I hate him so much, why? Not because he broke up with me, I don't care about that. The fact that he just left, ignored me, couldn't at least be here for me as my friend to help me get over all of it. It just really really hurts, and I have to hide it everyday so I can be strong because I'm done shedding tears because of him. He doens't even give a shit, which makes me even more angry.
Don't mind me though because I'm probably misunderstanding any of the signals or actions he gave. But I don't care because it's not like he cleared anything for me anyways.
Do you know what it's like to give it your all, your 118%, give your complete heart, be there beyond the limits of time, and proclaim that it was love? And then having it all just taken away without any justified reasons or at least some kind of... like a explanation or warning sign... or just I, I don't know. It makes me angry how much I really hate his character right now and that I didn't see it before. He never meant the way he felt, he never meant any of it. Maybe that's just what I think, but I'll never know because I don't want to talk to him anymore. I wanted to get my closure and pain out of the way a couple weeks ago and even asked if we could get it all out in the open and just be friends, but no, he never responded and just pushed it aside. Then a week or so later decides "Hey, I think I'm okay to talk now to you. Not because I was ignoring you, but for other reasons, so we can talk now." BS, all because you're ready to talk means we're allowed to talk? Seriously? I really hope you end up alone for the rest of your life. What a nasty thoguht, but I've never placed someone so high on my priority list and kept them there despite everybody else's opinions, the arguments had, or the obstacles faced.
Nikki.
Don't mind me though because I'm probably misunderstanding any of the signals or actions he gave. But I don't care because it's not like he cleared anything for me anyways.
Do you know what it's like to give it your all, your 118%, give your complete heart, be there beyond the limits of time, and proclaim that it was love? And then having it all just taken away without any justified reasons or at least some kind of... like a explanation or warning sign... or just I, I don't know. It makes me angry how much I really hate his character right now and that I didn't see it before. He never meant the way he felt, he never meant any of it. Maybe that's just what I think, but I'll never know because I don't want to talk to him anymore. I wanted to get my closure and pain out of the way a couple weeks ago and even asked if we could get it all out in the open and just be friends, but no, he never responded and just pushed it aside. Then a week or so later decides "Hey, I think I'm okay to talk now to you. Not because I was ignoring you, but for other reasons, so we can talk now." BS, all because you're ready to talk means we're allowed to talk? Seriously? I really hope you end up alone for the rest of your life. What a nasty thoguht, but I've never placed someone so high on my priority list and kept them there despite everybody else's opinions, the arguments had, or the obstacles faced.
Nikki.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Landscape.
4:03 pm
The green, the blue, the brown, the dull yellow-- it all looks so new yet they're colors I've peered at all throughout my life. The view is beautiful from my window view in the back of the car. it's been about three hours or so that we've been driving to home from Spokane. Kuya Josin and cousin Mark are asleep, and Mikey, my annoying younger brother, is trying to busy himself with my Mum's iPhone figuring out Sudoku.
The crevices in the walls surrounding the Grand Coulee Dam are so carved so exactly that I just want to fit myself in one of those little cracks and see how long it would take until someone found me among all the other cracks. I guess I want to take a picure, but I know that my phone sucks enoguh that it'd be just a blur next to my face. Staring down into the water as my dad drives 65mph, I realize that we're really going home--home to go back to my house, studying for school, practicing organ for church, and just back to regular life. Even if I'm just a teenage girl ready to take on the world, I still am prohibited to do anything outside of my parents' regulations. I guess I miss my friends, and my bed, but whether it be a weekend away to three months away I enjoy it more than being home in Kent.
When I'm older I want to travel, but I want a family at the same time. I guess my conclusions drawn are that I can really do both unless God's will is that I can do both.
I notice the rain drilling into the farmer's grounds on my left, and clear blue skies on my right; reminds me of my life really haha. Lately, my life's just been, what's the word, simple yet busy. Simple because nothing remotely dramatic or drastic has happened, and busy because of all the upcoming events that are rolling up this months. I have my birthday in two weeks, and I cannot wait! NO JOKE!
Birthday Wish List:
The green, the blue, the brown, the dull yellow-- it all looks so new yet they're colors I've peered at all throughout my life. The view is beautiful from my window view in the back of the car. it's been about three hours or so that we've been driving to home from Spokane. Kuya Josin and cousin Mark are asleep, and Mikey, my annoying younger brother, is trying to busy himself with my Mum's iPhone figuring out Sudoku.
The crevices in the walls surrounding the Grand Coulee Dam are so carved so exactly that I just want to fit myself in one of those little cracks and see how long it would take until someone found me among all the other cracks. I guess I want to take a picure, but I know that my phone sucks enoguh that it'd be just a blur next to my face. Staring down into the water as my dad drives 65mph, I realize that we're really going home--home to go back to my house, studying for school, practicing organ for church, and just back to regular life. Even if I'm just a teenage girl ready to take on the world, I still am prohibited to do anything outside of my parents' regulations. I guess I miss my friends, and my bed, but whether it be a weekend away to three months away I enjoy it more than being home in Kent.
When I'm older I want to travel, but I want a family at the same time. I guess my conclusions drawn are that I can really do both unless God's will is that I can do both.
I notice the rain drilling into the farmer's grounds on my left, and clear blue skies on my right; reminds me of my life really haha. Lately, my life's just been, what's the word, simple yet busy. Simple because nothing remotely dramatic or drastic has happened, and busy because of all the upcoming events that are rolling up this months. I have my birthday in two weeks, and I cannot wait! NO JOKE!
Birthday Wish List:
- Charmed Seasons #1-4
- Any books by Isabel Allende
- Summer clothes
- MONEY
Time to go and study. Funny how just thinking about the landscapes on the way home triggered interesting thoughts.
W/Love,
Nikki.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
