Friends always matter.

"I think you should move on. It's not about who's better and that you deserve better. (the truth is, you deserve more) but my main point is, if a guy is treating you like that, it's time to just move on and not give a crap. You had it good before and you guys may still share smiles and good times, but that was the past. How much longer do you think you can hold in the pain and think about the past good memories, to survive this relationship? It's time to make room for yourself and not have to worry about him, because after everything you've done for him, he deserves to be left. That's the best yuo can do for him too, if you truly care for him. He's going to have to learn from pain and the hard way, and you're the only person that can show him that."

Thank you, friend.

I guess I'm still blind. I mean at least I'm getting better. Yesterday I was bawling in my bed saying that just one more chance will silence me. If I could try just once more and if it doesn't work out then it's proven. But I've never given up, I don't give up. When I want something, I try my hardest to get it unless other alternatives show up. I'm telling you now that I guess I didn't care if he's done less or more because I loved him. Love is defined as loving flaw and perfections, but I guess he just couldn't my flaws and perfections. I will try to move on, but I'm just going to bury it deep inside me because I know better will come. And right now out of all the times, I have to focus on me. You ask me what I've wanted so much out of him and I? It's just him. To be around him, be able to smell him and hug him, make fun of his teeth, or just watch cartoons laughing at nothing. That's what I wanted. Because I don't ask for much, but there are times where I've just asked to be taken out and spent money on because I'm still a girl haha. He's the only guy who's dealt with me for so long and stayed by my side, all the rest messed up and left. And I guess I thought he was staying because he really meant that he loved me, but I guess I was fooled. Or who knows? Up until now I still have more questions to ask him, but I must stay strong. I know I can get through this, friend. I know I can.

He must be happier, and I've got to accept that because I'd rather him be happy whether he's with me or not.

W/Love,
Nikki.