What is love?

The very question that haunts my existence. I am a teenage girl who's survived through too much. What I remember most about growing up that has led to this very moment is that faith all you need in any circumstance. I've always wanted so much, and has strived for those things, but the one thing that I've wanted that I strived for was love; and incoincidentally it is the one thing I haven't had.

Tears fall from my face when I think about how I was in love with Von. I was stupid, and weak at the heart. I groveled for three years, and I can't take it back. I was immature to believe that someone like me could even fall in love, and the fact that I thought I'd be lonely forever and that there'd be no one ever to make me happy trapped me into the pit of despair. I did love Von, but to this very day I still don't even know who he is. And I want to cry because what exactly is love? In my very heart I believe it to be of the most sincerest emotion, with such evanescence of the mind, and peace of the soul. Isn't love tweeting of brids in the spring air, or the caring wisp of a river? I don't even know and that makes me scared. I'm not meant for love, but that makes me hypocritical because I have faith that everyone has the ability to love. The reason I can still settle with other guys, or find another heart is because I'm still searching for him. I'm scared I'll just pass him, or walk right past him and I won't even see him.

Love has made me bitter.
Love has made me forget what it's like to believe in a man.
Love has helped me get through the tougest breaks.
Love has made me believe you can fly.

But there's a catch to love; happiness. You can love someone and not be happy. Or you could be happy and not love them. Is there any way God can bless us with both? I pray to God almost every night that I will blessed with a happy love.

You know what makes me sad? How people in the pursuit of love, allow themselves to get hurt. I never knew my Mum felt the way she felt.. I thought she was happy. But I was wrong. Why do people hurt each other? Why they make others cry or make them mad? That's not love. That's horror. The people of God deserve so much yet we abuse the abilities that He bestows onto us. I will stop crying right now. I will keep my eyes forward, ears open, and heart ready. I will pray tonight.

W/Love,
MNM.