Normality, what a killer?

I don't know why it frustrates me... I'm M**** N**** M*****. I'm one of a kind. A unique chicka. Yet how is it that I am not satisfied with that? I guess what I'm trying to say is that I wish that I could be normal for once. To be seen as normal. Not the wicket, weird, sweet, rad, kind girl I am, but someone that could be viewed as a girl. A girl who has a sense of being like everyone else.



You probably might think, "Being different is good. What the heck?", it is! Believe me, I know! It's what I've been working towards me whole life; to be different, but a good kind of different which I have achieved. Everything about me is unique. I can't explain why this pains my mind in a way... I guess I secretly want to be like everyone else. I don't think there's anyone in the world who likes being themselves unless they're living THE life.



Now, this is me wondering what it's like to be like everyone else. It's actually quite different because everyone is different. We live in a world, universe, and time where there is never that one person who is exactly like you. That's a good and bad thing I guess.



Maybe I don't want to be like everyone else. What are some things that I wish were like everyone else?... I wish that I had a trendsetting style. Like I looked glamorous in a way that would make me feel pretty, but I know that's kind of bad in a way because that would bring up conceitedness and vainness and I don't want to be like that kind of girl. I wish that I had the brain of a super genius. It would be as if I was the first woman Albert Einstein because the power of knowledge if not a gift, but an ability. Though that would make me too brainy that I would forget about other important things. Then that means being above average is the awesomest ever. I wish that I have enough money to buy things when I need to. Then I wouldn't have to feel sorry or pity for myself and feel poor. On the otherhand, if I always had money, then I'd be used to spending and become a compulsive shopper and buyer... That would be bad. Having money at all times seems to be a bad idea. I wish that I could be the best friend everyone's ever wanted. I try my best... and hope that I'm doing a good job. Sometimes I feel as if it's just nothing. What if I'm not good enough for that kind of standard? One of my crazy impulses are to make sure everyone's happy even if it has nothing to do with my happiness. I don't see a downside to seeing other people happy except that at times... I may not be happy.



This topic of wanting to feel normal... really has changed my view on quite a lot of things. Haha. I know that it's hard for me to stay on topic, but I'm glad that I"m starting to be able to write my thoguhts down clearly.