Appreciation and Gratefulness.

I read one of my closest friend's blog for like the fourth time. Rereading it makes me want to write down the secret of my heart that I could never put down on paper, except my personal journal.x]

There was this one guy. He was like an older brother. I liked him the second I saw him, but I thought it was just a day crush. But that crush was in my heart for a long time. Just a "Moviestar Crush". You know how people fall in love and think they'll marry those rockstars, or actors and actresses? But they know in their heart that it's impossible? That's what he was to me. An impossible crush. For the couple months I knew him back then, that's what he was to me. We soon became the fine line between best guy friend and older brother, so he was likeable. I can't believe I'm saying this, it feels so cliche girl, but I don't feel pathetic right now. Usually I feel like an idiot for half the things I say and do. That guy helped me in my time of need and showed me the true values of the decisions people make these days. He told me about his life, and I told mine. It was weird though because the fact I thought he was "impossible" was because the age. Yes, the age. Sounds extremely weird. Four years apart.

My feelings for him will never ever go away. I know that now. It's a big of a concept for me and probabl for him, but I'm going to try ad handle it as best as I can. I kept running away from him before because I was scared. Scared to like him so much and get hurt... that I freaked and just kept running. I cried, hurt, and hid. I was scared to fall and mess up some part of my life. Which eventually did happen. But it was because I let it happen.

Now I can't rewind what I did, can't go back in time, or go back to that perfect time and place. I'm always too late, a habit I have to outlive. Haha. Even though, I hope that I can say to myself someday and know it's true that we were never meant.

"How do you know when you're in love? You don't. It just happens. Love isn't a know-it-all thing or according-to-plan. Defined or undefined, you just know." -Anonymous.

After all the stupid relationships I've put myself into, it's nice to have actually found love... Love is a strange thing. No one ever really knows if it exists or if it's real. One of the most important things this guy has taught me is the feeling and meaning of love. I know that no matter what age we are at, love seems pointless. Although I believe in one love, in every person's life there's always that one person that shows you that it's not all fantasy. That it's the one thing that lifts you up to where you belong and can soar the wide vast sky.