When I Woke Up

I knew things were going to be okay. Although I have two math homework assignments, two japanese homework assignments, one math midterm, one ece midterm, one ece homework assignment, and the rest of my life to proceed onwards with, I know things will be okay.


Although Eli and I just announced out loud for the first time the sacred "L" word, we know we have priorities this week to occupy ourselves with. Because we are a team, I know we will be okay.


Money is tight, 'tis true. Money is hard to obtain, 'tis also true. But if I start budgeting myself, and managing my time wisely, I know it'll be okay.


I feel a little stressed, but because I'm a positive person and know how to focus looking at the brighter side, I will be okay.

Good day for now.

I've Been Told

There are many things in life I choose to forget, but there are some things that I can't forget.

I don't regret my timing or what I said, but I do resent that I could've presented it better instead of at 2am in a bunk bed spooning you form the back. Okay, maybe I regret a little bit but let me grieve the 5 stages.:)

You are not him, but my Him. I just compare sometimes because of the things that I can't forget. And I think I'd be okay if you also felt that same way because I'm not her, just your Her. Love is supposed to be fun, it's supposed to be plain and simple. But isn't that what we all want? When I hear my cousin talk about her life that only consists of waking up, school, church, sleeping; I can't help but envy it a little bit because in a perfect world I would spare myself of all trial and error that I notice, but I don't.

He is not Him, and He's not like him. I've gotta discern that they are completely different.

(I should use name I guess)

Deveon told me over and over he was sorry, that he wanted to take it all back. What am I going to do? I don't want this to be another Deveon situation. And it probably won't, but I can't forget it. If I close my eyes for just a second, it all flashes before my eyes as if it all happened yesterday. I lied to Eli, I'm scared. I put myself out on the table, and now I'm over thinking which shows I am scared. I need to stop. Or else I'll be hypocritical.

Slightly anxious,
Nikki

I Know I'm Not Stupid.

I try really hard in a lot of things that I do, but I must admit that I already get really tired and worn out.

Tomorrow is my Kanji and Physics Test and I'm not sure if staying up all night or waking up early or studying throughout the day are my best options. I'm just naiive to the fact that I could've prepared better. Next week I will do better. I have to get a B in Physics and since I got a 1/10 on the last quiz I have no choice but to do well, yanno? BUT NO NOTECARD? What is this BS? Ugh, I just want to yell at the teacher. But next week I'll meet with my Math TA and my Physics TA. Since I'm switching groups this'll give me an opportunity to be able to go to the review sessions on Thursday from 8-10pm.

It makes me really happy that Eli and I are waiting to use the "L" word. It's not that anything is holding us back, or that we don't feel something remotely close to it, but we're both just not ready. The April thing just happened a year ago. I was just with Tim for 13 months. It's an understandable situation, but what if we wait so long that it'll be too late? Is that possible?

Gotta sleep,
Nikki.

Eggs Reflection

Please turn on
Open wide
Retell the superficial meaning of touch
Now we watch

Whatever Happens From Here.

I'm extremely nervous. I know I have to leave, and soon.

For some reason, everything with him feels so perfect. And that pisses me off. It's not supposed to be like this. I'm not supposed to like him this much, want to be with him at all, and want to make time for him. This was supposed to be my time to just chill and stop getting hurt. Although he hasn't hurt me, yet, I know that it's going to happen one way or another.

I should've avoided this situation long ago. He is too wonderful.

Tim Hill, I'm sorry for everything.

You were my best friend.

Now, you just look down on me.

Good thing I'm taller.

Austrailian Stick Bugs.

If you think about it, life in the simpler text can be a list of memories and events. Looking back now, my pre-teen years make me want to throw my head back, and laugh so hard that it booms to the ceiling and right back at me. I remember being foolish, naive, headstrong, and ready for anything. But in all honesty, I experienced my pre-teen years a little differently than most girls. My friends from Youth group always giggled about the boys they liked, Jesse McCartney's hair, and the new Disney Channel movies. I remember sitting with them quietly, book tucked under my arm listening intently and wondering what in the world they were talking about. I It all began when I was eleven, when I first laid my eyes on not a

Probably one of the most confusing times of a woman's life that she won't remember are her pre-teen years; young, foolish, struggling to already be grown up. Unfortunately, I've been through this, but dealt with it in a different way. I remember the countless days I woke up in the morning why I am the way I am, and what's my purpose?